We received this Marriage Encouragement Questionnaire from Thelma in South Africa:
I'm here:
Seeking restoration for my marriage.
What is your current marital status? Please be sure to choose the one that BEST describes your situation.
Married and my husband lives with me.
Have you read the book "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage?"
No
How did you find our ministry?
Online
Now, please tell us about your situation and why you have come to us for help and what has your husband/partner said are the main issues or problems he has with you and your relationship?
My husband is addicted to pornography . I am trying but we need help.
Please use the space below to simply speak to God, in your own words, pouring your heart out to Him.
Lord , I need your intervention. This is only possible with You. Transform our marriage into what you intend it to be.
In order for us to minister more effectively to you, please check what concerns apply to you:
Depressed.
Please Note: We ask that you reply to this post ONLY if you are an IOU Student working towards qualifying for your Marriage Minister Certificate.
Example:
Before commenting, remember to:
- Speak to your Husband, your Maker, to know what He wants to say to this brokenhearted bride.
- Keep it SHORT.
- Encourage sharing 1-2 Promises.
- Bridge to the course He used to lead you along your Restoration Journey.
- When we see a 3 Cord of comments supporting \o/\o/\o/ her, we will reply to her email. Thank you!!
I just want to encourage you to simply Seek the Lord, He will give the correct answer to all of your doubts and will heal your heart from everything that you are going through.
I see that you haven’t read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage? I recommend you read it, it was one of the books that changed my life. https://encouragingbookstore.com/women-resources/wrym/. There is a free ebook code you can use.
Love the Unlovable – Right now concentrate on loving the unlovable. When you love and respect your husband, even when he is unlovable, unkind, and in sin, you are showing him unconditional love. “For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same?” (M5:46). Give God your hurts. He will help you love your husband if you just ask Him.
Be Content- God wants us to learn contentment before He’ll change our husbands. Paul says, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Ph4:13). You will stay in difficulty until you have learned contentment in it. It took me longer than it should have. If I would have just ran to my Beloved first!
Fast-The greatest way to free a husband who is in bondage to sin is to fast and pray for him. “Is this not the fast which I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke?” (I58:6). In my situation when I did fast, it often seemed that God blessed me that same day with an answered prayer.
The most important thing is to live as His bride, as His bride you be free of hurt and pain https://loveatlast.org/his-bride/
My dear Thelma, I agree with everything Hope shared with you, but I also want to add something else here:
During this time I would like to encourage you to let go (https://hopeatlast.com/c2/d15-the-freedom-of-letting-go/). This is not letting go or moving on like the world teaches, but letting your husband go into the loving arms of the Lord who wants to save him from the deep pit of sin. Let Go and Let God while you focus on your relationship with the Lord and make Him your First Love (https://hopeatlast.com/c3/day-2-chapter-2-first-love/).
I also want to share two lessons/principles with you that is very powerful and I have seen the difference these principles makes in impossible situations:
Win Without Words:
https://hopeatlast.com/c3/day-10-chapter-5-won-without-a-word/
“In the same way [as Jesus] you wives be submissive to your own husbands, so that if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word…” 1Peter 3:1.
Gentle and Quiet Spirit:
https://hopeatlast.com/c3/day-8-chapter-3-a-gentle-and-quiet-spirit/
“But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” 1Peter 3:4.
Lastly I just want to encourage you to always Seek God in all situations, He alone knows the answers you need right now. He alone can guide you and comfort you and give you peace and joy regardless of the situation you are facing.
Dear precious Thelma I want to give you a promise, that helped me so much in my journey:
And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” M19:26
For nothing will be impossible with God.” L1:37
The Lord will do everything and remember nothing is impossible with the Lord.
The principles/lessons that Hope and Adina shared are life changing, fill yourself daily with the encouragement and lessons on RMI, it changed my life. I see you are from South Africa, so you can also have a look on the Uiteindelikhoop.com/blog/ for daily encouragement.
Two important principles that helped me so much and still does daily are: Simply Seek God (in every situation) and He leads me (take the Lords lead dear Thelma, because He is the One that is going to bring restoration and change):
https://loveatlast.org/living-lessons/week-3-he-leads-me/
I also struggled with depression, but the Lord totally healed me from depression and He wants to do it for you too. I leave you with this promise that I meditated on daily:
…Everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. I35:10
Dear precious Thelma, I look forward to see what the Lord is going to do in your life.
Dear Thelma, I want to start by sharing “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14. I noticed you said “you are trying”. I remember going thru the phase of my life trying to restore my own marriage and failed. And that’s really when I realized with me it’s impossible. But good news is that you know with the Lord, “all things are possible.” It’s time to give it to Him. By “giving it to Him”, you must draw near to Him and surrender to the PROCESS. “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” Psalm 37:7. It’s hard sometimes, but know that the Lord has all the control. And Praise Him for all the control He has. How wonderful it is to be under His protective wings! May God be with you always.
Dear Thelma,
I want to encourage you just as the other ladies have done as well.
Reading the RYM book will help you to understand why this crisis has come. The Lord longs to be close to you and is using this to draw you closer.
Letting go and taking your eyes off the situation with your EH and turning your focus onto the Lord will help to heal your broken heart.
Seek the Lord continuously throughout your day and He will lead you. He cares about each and every one of your problems. He loves you more than you can ever imagine.
Please be encouraged with the following verse.
“Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will protect me from the anger of my enemies. You reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me. The Lord will work out his plans for my life— for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.”
Psalms 138:7-8 NLT