MM: I am Devastated

We received this Marriage Encouragement Questionnaire from Lissette in the United States:

I'm here:
Seeking restoration for my marriage.
What is your current marital status? Please be sure to choose the one that BEST describes your situation.
Separated: I am married, but my husband does not live with me.
Have you read the book "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage?"
Yes
How did you find our ministry?
A friend shared the book with me and in it was the website
Now, please tell us about your situation and why you have come to us for help and what has your husband/partner said are the main issues or problems he has with you and your relationship?
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and dated for 2. I am 5 years older, currently 38 and he is 33. We have a son who's a year and a half. My husband and I met at church. He would come to bible studies led by a member of the church at my house and soon thereafter we both started in the praise and worship team. My husband and I were worship leaders for many years at our church. After some years, he also became the youth pastor. I was his first everything.
We later got married and were living at my mom's house. That was the first mistake because we never moved out and lived there which I now understand was wrong. First, it was for financial reasons. Then it was more because I wanted a house and felt we would never be able to save by moving into an apartment. My husband was passive and stayed. Later on, my father died and I felt guilty leaving my mother alone. My mom did give my husband a hard time. She was always on his case about chores and wasting too much water when showering. Fast forward to COVID years, my husband became a police officer, our church closed and my mom grew paranoid my husband was working out in the streets and could bring COVID to the house. It's also important to note my husband was extremely religious and became OCD with religion. Many times even before all of this, he would lock himself to read the Word and pray. He would feel he was praying to someone other than God and would restart. He would spend hours. I don't know when but my husband stopped praying altogether and stopped reading to avoid this. So, since my mom was so paranoid about COVID she asked my husband to move out to an efficiency 4 houses down. I allowed this to happen. I should have moved out with him. A month or so later the efficiency at my mom's house became vacant and he moved into there. We wouldn't physically spend time together.

Later, he moved back in and I got pregnant. Also, important to note that our intimate life was suffering before this not sure why. Unfortunately, this was all a recipe for disaster. During my pregnancy, my husband was no longer this God-fearing, passive guy. He became sarcastic, he would raise his voice and was no longer caring. He would tell me the stories of the other guys at the job. How they would cheat. He "lost" his wedding ring, became obsessed with the gym, and was no longer having a relationship with God. I was due to have the baby on 2/22 and we had already agreed to move out on 8/22. We already had a good amount of money for a downpayment for a home.

3 or 4 months before the baby was due my husband decided he wanted to separate.

He still works in that off-duty where he had been speaking to yet another woman who's basically a prostitute. It's horrible. His regular shift doesn't even consist of patroling, instead, he has been placed in the middle of a street filled with many clubs for "high visibility" from Thursday to Saturday night shifts. He just stands there with other guys while women are just constantly going up to them. Something about the uniform, I guess.

I am devastated.

My husband is very knowledgeable in the Word of God and therefore nothing that is preached to him is new. He is able to articulate what is right and what he needs to do. How love is an action a decision and not a feeling but that he still doesn't "Feel" like doing whats right. Honestly, I can see how wrong I acted and what my mistakes have been. I cant take them back. I have apologized but he is unwilling.

Please use the space below to simply speak to God, in your own words, pouring your heart out to Him.
Heavenly Father, I ask you Lord forgiveness for all my sins.
I come to You Lord presenting my husband and our marriage before Your throne. God, I ask You to get the broken pieces of our marriage and make it a new thing. I pray you would renew my husband's mind and give him a heart after Yours. Lord, I pray you would pour love for me in my husband's heart. Father, I pray You would cover him with Your precious blood and that You would encounter him in a supernatural way. Lord, I pray you would change his surroundings and help him be the light he used to be. Father, I ask you to please rescue him. Father block him from doing worse things. Lord change His surroundings and anything stopping his reconciliation with You. God the enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy and Lord I rebuke the enemy and declare all assignments and weapons formed against us inoperable. Father, finish the good work You started in my husband and turn all of this for our good. Me and my house will serve you, Lord. Father, what you have joined may no man separate. Jesus, look at our son Aiden. He deserves parents who are together to raise him into a God-fearing man who serves You. Lord, I pray you will strengthen me and help me to see myself as you see me. Help me not to be so impulsive, help me not compare myself to these other women, and give me the courage to stay still yet fighting this battle on my knees.

Lord, increase my faith because my natural eyes aren't seeing anything good. Give me wisdom Father and Lord I give this burden to you because I have exhausted all my resources and it's become too heavy for me to carry. Only You can God! I pray these things in Your name precious Jesus, Amen.

In order for us to minister more effectively to you, please check what concerns apply to you:
Depressed.